Everybody, meet Ryder. He is TJ’s younger brother. I didn’t realise when I wrote my blog yesterday that I didn’t mention him and how this experience has affected him. Have you heard that quote “When one person gets cancer, the whole family and everyone that loves them gets cancer?” Well based on our experiences, I would say that this quote is fairly accurate. We may not be carrying the disease but we can empathise. We feel that person’s pain on an emotional level. We share some of the same feelings as them such as- fear, stress, anxiety, anger, gratitude and hope. All of our lives get disrupted in one way or another. This includes; work, school, social plans, doctor’s appointments, chores and even the food we eat. We start to develop a new way of living- a ‘new normal’. When we told Ryder that his brother had cancer he had a similar reaction to TJ- he didn’t seem phased. I thought that perhaps he was too young to understand what cancer was and how it was going to change things. I asked him how he felt about it and he said “Okay, because they are going to fix him”. I loved his attitude but because he is a child of very few words (except for in a school classroom ;) and doesn’t really talk about his feelings I wasn’t really sure if he was okay or not. My husband and I organised an appointment with Ryder’s school and let them know the situation so they could keep an eye on him. We asked them to let us know if they started to see any changes in his behaviour or school work. Ryder’s life has changed slightly since TJ’s diagnosis. He has taken on some of TJ’s household chores and has attended some of TJ’s chemotherapy treatments at the hospital (that sometimes run late into the night). He has done a wonderful job of helping to support his brother and has really matured over the past few months. We always make sure to thank him so he knows how much we appreciate him. Every now and then my husband will pull Ryder aside and do something special with just him so that he doesn’t feel left out. There have been times when Ryder has become jealous of TJ because “TJ gets a day off school. It’s not fair!”. We explain to him that he’s only having the day off school because he has to get a bunch of chemicals pumped into his body, not because it’s fun. Unfortunately it’s something we can’t avoid. It’s quite normal in this situation that someone will feel resentment and it’s usually the siblings. We just try our best to make him feel inclusive and just as special. Our social worker who also works in conjunction with Youth Cancer Services & SA Health organised an appointment for Ryder to talk to a psychologist last week and it went really well. There are some excellent support services available for siblings. This includes; support groups, individual support, counselling, camps and events. (To name a few) I think it is really important to take advantage of these services because sometimes we might not recognise that the siblings aren’t coping, need help or want someone to talk to. You should be appointed a social worker at the hospital who can refer you on to these services. Otherwise there is a few links in my ‘Things we wish we knew’ blog post that will help guide you in the right direction.
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AuthorHi, I'm Tj's Mum; Zoie All Blog Entries
August 2018
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